A Magic Carpet Ride Through Hell

After the first visit with Dr. Tsang, I realized I was going through the five stages of grieving for my vision, with denial being stage one. Bargaining and anger were supposed to come next, and while I don’t recall much of that, I’m sure there are people close to me who would disagree.

Retinitis Pigmentosa is a genetic disorder caused by a mutation on one or more of hundreds of different genes. That means there are hundreds of different variants of RP with a multitude of different symptoms. We got my whole genome sequenced to find where my mutation was on my DNA. When they analyzed my results, they couldn’t isolate it. So, they declared me a variant of unknown significance. Basically, they have no idea how to treat me or even where to begin when it comes to my specific type of RP.

Finding out I’m going blind with no treatment isn’t easy. Given my prior history, it’s no wonder that I fell hard into depression. I stopped eating. I stopped talking to everyone. At one point, I was damn near catatonic. For some reason, I couldn’t speak. The words were there, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say them.

I was living with my parents at the time, and my dad had heard encouraging things about ketamine treatments. So, we decided to try that. I know it has done wonders for some, but for me, it was like a magic carpet ride through hell. It was as if I had been through a drug-induced trauma, but by the end, I couldn’t remember why I was so panicked. The same went for the poor woman across the hall who was screaming at the top of her lungs but couldn’t recall to her husband why.

I know there are a lot of people out there who have had success with ketamine treatment, but for me, it was one of the worst experiences of my life.